Officer Ears
by God In Birds
Summary: Shane deals with his lies and secrets in, like, a chapter.
1. dEARly beloved

**A/N: WARNING: SPOILERS**

**If you haven't watched season -1, then I suggest finding another fanfiction.**

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Officer Ears

Chapter 1 – dEARly beloved

The walls were a polyester white and the halls smelt of death. Gun fire rung through my elephant ears, causing me a rather large headache. I staggered a bit and got a hold of my bearings. People were being slaughtered right before my shit-brown eyes. I was terrified to say the least, but I had to keep moving. Rick was somewhere in this hospital. I had to save my boo.

I had to move quietly, so whoever was shooting those innocent people wouldn't shoot me. I had finally reached Rick's room, number 22637819. I opened the door, got on the floor and walked the dinosaur to Rick's still unconscious body. I checked to see if he was breathing, to see if a pulse.

Something.

There was a light pulse. I need to get him out of here. Now.

I didn't think about what I was doing, I did it by instinct. I tried to release the officer by tugging on the tubes sticking into his body. I didn't want to hurt him or kill him or anything like that.

I couldn't do it though. My feeble brain could not comprehend the simplicity of the tubes that pumped oxygen into his nostrils. So, I got angry and threw a chair. It left a small hole in the wall. I didn't care because I'm a bad ass. I puffed my chest out and did the best angry walk I could do until I reached the hallway.

It had cleared by now, but I'm not taking any chances. I sprinted to the closest exit and left that hell hole. I had to find Lor-Lor. I had to get back to the highway with her and Carly. I ran and ran for what seemed like miles, but was only a few yards, to my police car outside. I hopped in and started the engine with a flick of my not-so-fragile wrist.

I was highway-bound, ready to run over whatever came in my way. I cruised to the outskirts of Atlanta in a jiff. I was greeted with warm faces in these hard times. It made me even more angry to see that people were enjoying whatever this breakout is.

I immediately ran for Lor-Lor and Carly. They embraced me with the tightest of bear hugs and I hugged them until they were gasping for air. After the two were done, Lor-Lor asked about Rick.

_Shit, Rick. I forgot him at the hospital._

"I'm sorry, Lor-Lor. He's dead, mang.", I stated nonchalantly.

"Oh, Shane! Comfort me in my time of need!", she said, throwing herself on me.

"Carly, get in the car. Your mom and I are going to gather firewood.", I lied.

"But, it's daytime.", he pleaded.

"What did I just say? Get in the God damn car." Venom laced in my voice.

"Yes, sir.", he replied sheepishly.

After stalling that annoying fucking kid, I led the sobbing, falsely-widowed, wife into the woods. She is so easy to lay. I could probably do this a couple more times before Rick comes back.

The sex was rough and long, it lasted for about three hours. She complained the ground was wet and dirty, but I didn't give a fuck.


	2. mang

**A/N: ty to a box of crayons and random reader for reviews 3**

Officer Ears

Chapter 2 – mang

I got to screw Lor-Lor for a few more weeks before that dumb ass I left in the hospital somehow found us. Glenn said he had found Rick and saved him. I'll have to kill the chink later.

Lor-Lor and Carly were very excited to see their thought-to-be-dead family member. However, Lor-Lor glared daggers into my demonic soul. I had obviously pissed her off but I don't know what I did. I mean, I just had repeated sex with her in the woods after telling her husband was dead. Nothing wrong here.

Lor-Lor would probably confront me later about this when we're alone. Carly just doesn't give a fuck. I like that boy. He real cool, mang.

"Yo, Carly. You wanna fish for frogs down the crick, mang?", I asked.

"k.", he simply responded.

Yous think a kid would want to spend time with his father, but no. Kinda fucked up. Big Shane'll take care of him, tho.

"You ever fish for frogs?", I questioned aloud.

"No, I'm twelve.", he said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, you are.", I stated with whatever mood the author can't think of right now.

Some silence passed on our walk to the crick.

"Did I ever tell you I'm bipolar?", I asked.

"Yeah, all the time." He sounded dreadful and bored.

"Like Andrea with her guns and her sister?", I joked.

"Amy hasn't died yet, you're too far in the plot.", he warned.

"Shit."

I had forgotten this is season one. Oh, well. I already said it. Amy dies, everyone. Andrea also brags about her shooting ability as soon as she learns to shoot a gun until The Walking Dead series is over with. It is literally half of her dialogue.

Anyways, now that the writers have let out their complaints about a character, it's back to bein' Shane.

I taught Carly how to catch a frog. Bitches love frogs. Kid looked happy though. My job is done for the week.

"I think it's time we head up, mang. It's getting dark.", I said.

"Yeah, I wanna go sleep.", he complained.

"k", I replied.

We walked back up to the camp we had set up in the weeks I was bangin' Lor-Lor. We realized the city wasn't safe, it belongs to the dead now.

Somehow, my thoughts could be read by Rick. He burst open the tent door with no clothes on and yelled that I was stealing his line.

Shit like this happens way too often around here.


	3. rick's dick

**A/N: ty for all the positive feedback. Except that one anon reader. Fuck you.**

Officer Ears

Chapter 3 – rick's dick

I could not help myself. I stared so hard when he ran towards me. Who wouldn't, amirite? It flopped around when he spoke and I had no idea what he was saying because, well, it was just _there_.

"Dad," Carly interrupted, "put some pants on, pls."

Rick looked down where his trousers should be and realized that he wasn't wearin' anything. I roared with laughter as he panicked and ran back to his tent. The raspy noise woke everyone up. They were pissed, but I didn't care.

My laughing also attracted a shit ton of walkers. They came out of nowhere and started biting camp survivors. I pulled out my 32235 mm pistol and fired away. Rick was out in a minute with just boxers on, Lor-Lor following close behind. They helped me with killing these things.

Rick looked so fucking sexy.

The guns Rick had picked up from the sheriff station in our hometown came in handy. I'd have to thank his sweet ass later.

By the way, that one blonde chick died. What was her name? Oh, yeah. Amy. She was hot, too bad I didn't get to screw her.

We cleared the camp within two minutes. Lor-Lor had already taken Carly to their tent, leaving Rick with me. We conversed about what we should do as that other blonde bitch cried in the corner over her sister.

We decided that the women and children would take their stay in the tents for one more night. The men would destroy the brains, drag the bodies, and burn them. However, Glenn wanted to bury them because they were our own. That's reasonable, I guess.

We used the holes that Jim had dug earlier. Crazy mother fucker. Although, he did make this process a lot easier and faster. It only took two hours to drag the mangled bodies in the graves. We only lost a few. Those few being: Amy, Ed, and some other campers that I weren't that close with.

There was a sad aura that bubbled the camp site. Even if you weren't here for the massacre, you could tell there was something up. People blamed themselves. Rick especially. He thought delaying our camp movement for the guns was a good idea. Dumb ass. We can always find more guns, not more people. He's still hot tho.

"Shane, we need to speak."

"Not now Loooooooooooooooooooooooooori." Dragging out my words because I did not want to have to have this conversation right now.

"I'm not Lori."

"Huh, what?" I asked, confused.

"Do I sound like a woman to you?" They snapped. This made me turn around. I saw the grimy face of Rick Grimes. It was grimy. It made me instantly smile.

"Sorry, Ricky-poo." I teased.

"What'd you just call me?"

"Rick." I tried to recover.

"Oh, my bad. I thought you said something else."

"Why you wanna talk to me, mang?"

"I wanna know if I made the right call getting those guns." He looked away dramatically.

"Yeah, I think you did." I reassured. To be honest, I just wanted in his pants. That's kinda guy I am.

"I..I don't know anymore. People would still be alive if I hadn't of gotten those weapons." He turned his head back towards me and made some brutal eye contact.

"You don't know that. The mountains have been littered with them lately. There's no way we could have fought them off with the amount of ammunition we had." Completely true. One hundred percent fact.

"I guess that makes sense. Thanks." He patted my shoulder like the good friend he is.

"For what?" I questioned.

"Comforting me in my time of need."


End file.
